


Long Overdue

by 1001TalesFicFest, Blueez



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-23 18:39:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1001TalesFicFest/pseuds/1001TalesFicFest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueez/pseuds/Blueez
Summary: Tale#: 88The only reason Joonmyeon attends his old friend’s wedding is to have a moment with Yixing – the man he couldn’t let go and forget, whose heart already belonged to someone else.





	Long Overdue

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I feel this fic barely counts as angst lol. But someone might feel differently, so I tagged it angst anyway.
> 
> Prompter, even though I think this is far from the angst you might be expecting, I hope you still like it a bit~
> 
> Lastly, I had so much fun participating in this Sulay fic fest! I’ll be having a blast reading the other entries. Thanks to the mods for hosting it! And thank you all who read this fic! ^_^ <3

Yixing would have held you back, Joonmyeon fought to remind himself. He kept his eyes shut while waiting for the ceremony to begin. He felt the wind rustling his hair. Who chose to marry in a garden? Joonmyeon could not understand. But being at a wedding, knowing that Yixing would arrive soon, memories reappeared as always.

Yixing had already had their whole life planned. Yixing had wanted to marry on June twenty-two because that was his lucky day. Yixing had wanted to have a family, three kids, one girl and two boys. Yixing had wanted to raise a beagle dog. And they would all have lived in a white two-story house in the suburbs. Yixing had wanted everything Joonmyeon had not.

Joonmyeon had preferred living without knowing what awaited tomorrow. Joonmyeon had not wanted that kind of commitment. Joonmyeon had not wanted to raise any children. He had preferred to live in the city, relatively close to work and any other service he might need late at night. He had hated dogs; he was more of a fish person, an animal that wouldn’t litter his house. Joonmyeon had wanted everything Yixing had not.

However, despite the differences, despite what anyone would think, they had managed to love each other, every day, for four years. And even now, almost three years after walking out on Yixing that night, Joonmyeon still loved him. His rational side battled to convince him why he had taken the right choice, why he should for heaven’s sake move on already. Yet the pining was so deep and unyielding that he couldn’t eradicate it from his heart.

Yixing would have held you back, Joonmyeon said to himself again.

He opened his eyes. It didn’t take him long to notice who had arrived. He raised his hand and waved while saying, “Yixing! Over here.” He cheerfully signaled to the empty chair next to his.

Yixing swung around to the left. Joonmyeon lost his breath. Yixing’s silky raven hair shone radiantly under the sun, reminding Joonmyeon of how smoothly it used to feel running through his fingers when they lie down on the couch cuddling, and Yixing rested his head on top of Joonmyeon’s chest. Suddenly, Yixing smiled when his eyes found Joonmyeon, a smile so broad that a deep indentation appeared on his right cheek. Joonmyeon used to bury his finger in there, poking it as Yixing let out a gleeful laugh. God, how he missed doing that, how he missed hearing that mirth and being ‘punished’ with a kiss, a touch of lips so soothing.

“Hey, Joonmyeon!” Yixing said, taking a seat next to him.

A gush of that heavenly cedar scented cologne reached Joonmyeon’s nostrils. Each time Joonmyeon’s lips had left a trail of kisses across Yixing’s neck, he would sometimes pause and inhale, mumbling how much that fragrance drove him crazy. Yixing used to love it when he did that.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t come. I mean, it’s a wedding.” Yixing laughed at the end.

If this had been any other Sunday afternoon, Joonmyeon would have stayed at home, as usual, watching an old re-run from that comedy series everyone where so into a few years back. Yet the idea of seeing Yixing even for a few hours, even if Yixing wasn’t his, even if Yixing didn’t want him anymore, had been enough to persuade Joonmyeon to assist this wedding, to drive one and half hours outside the city, to sit here disinterested and listen to that same old same old drawn-out rigmarole. Another wedding that reminded him of everything he had not wanted, everything he had let go of.

“I was joking,” Joonmyeon lied, chuckling. He had an important work-meeting scheduled for tomorrow, he wouldn’t have come. But when he had found out that Yixing would be attending on his own, well, that settled his decision. “Besides, it’s Minseok’s wedding, of course, I’d be here,” he said, looking at Minseok, who was standing there, waiting for the bride to arrive. After all, Minseok used to be one of Joonmyeon’s and Yixing’s mutual friends in college. Life had brought them to different places, but the friendship remained there, even if they could go on months without seeing each other. Now that Minseok would get married, it left Yixing and Joonmyeon as the only ones from their college times that still hadn’t gotten married. Joonmyeon had always thought it would be them, but he hadn’t expected they wouldn’t be together anymore.

“Well, you should have said so. We could have driven here together. We could have saved up money on gas! Even if Sehun couldn’t come, obviously, I wouldn’t miss this either,” Yixing said.

As it was customary whenever Sehun and Yixing were around or mentioned, Joonmyeon’s heart stung like a sharp stab in the chest. Oh Sehun, what a terrible friend that man had been. He now regretted having befriended him at work.

Joonmyeon and Yixing had broken up almost three years ago. They had both realized that their relationship had reached its due date. And Joonmyeon had run away to another country only a week after breaking-up, all so he could get over that throbbing pain, that endless yearning. One of the things Joonmyeon had never expected while living abroad was to find out Yixing was together with Sehun. Joonmyeon had thought Yixing would have felt the same as him, and somehow, when he returned, they would have made their relationship work again. What an idiot. Instead, his friend and his ex-lover had gotten together. They were still together now. How crazy didn’t that sound? It was ridiculous. It was foolish. It was the truth. And Joonmyeon couldn’t handle it. He even prolonged his stay after finding out about Yixing’s and Sehun’s relationship. Even so, he hadn’t been able to forget, to erase that burning passion he could only feel for Yixing.

So, when Joonmyeon had returned to the city, six months ago, his whole world seemed to have collapsed momentarily while he saw Yixing kissing another man’s lips. But it was all so stupid. Yixing had moved on. Yixing had gotten over him. Yixing no longer loved him. Yixing was with Sehun now. And Joonmyeon was so heartbroken and longing altogether, while the love of his life was happy with another man. But the stupidest thing was that Joonmyeon decided to remain friends with both. He stood out with watching them together at dinner parties, birthdays, drinking nights at the bar and so much else. He stood with hanging out with Yixing listening to him ramble about how wonderful Sehun was. He stood out with how sometimes his eyes would get watery, and he’ll say his contact lenses were itching. He stood out with watching how the man he loved was in the arms of the man he was insanely jealous of. What an idiot.

“Won’t you drive to the airport after this?” Joonmyeon asked. Sehun had to work on another city this week, and his flight back would be arriving later in the night. That was why Sehun was not there right now, clinging to Yixing like a tick.

“Yeah, but won’t you be staying over?”

The wedding couple had reserved lodging at a nearby inn for those who couldn’t return to the city that same day. But as said before, Joonmyeon had a work meeting tomorrow. “No, I’ll drive back around nine.”

“More reasons why you should have told me! We should have driven together. Sehun’s flight arrives at half-past ten,” Yixing said shaking his head, “I could have picked him up from the airport and then we could have driven you back home.”

Having the chance of spending an evening with just Yixing, and then watching him and Sehun reunite at the airport, share a car ride back, only to get left at his door and see how the man he loved drove away with another man… How tempting. “I wanted to get home earlier.”

“Ah, okay.”

Suddenly, the guests lowered their voices until nothing could be heard, save for the chirp of birds in the sky. The Wedding March began playing in the violin. The procession initiated. The bridal party walked in, one by one, bridesmaids escorted by groomsmen, flower girls and the ring bearer. And when everyone had taken their positions, the most awaited moment would take place. Yixing constantly kept looking back, while Joonmyeon was focused on the front. He saw how a wide grin formed on Minseok’s lips.

“That is one stunning dress,” Yixing whispered.

When Joonmyeon saw the bride walking by, he couldn’t care less about it, but he still nodded yes. And there they stood, the groom and the bride, underneath a flower arch, when the officiant gave the opening remarks.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

And that was where Joonmyeon usually stopped caring. During all the weddings he had attended so far, he never paid close attention to what they said. He was always distant, away from what was taking place. It all passed by like a blur. But this time, he would instead focus on stealing a glance at Yixing, on inhaling that heady scent, on inwardly screaming that he needed this man by his side more than anything. Why had they to be two complicated individuals? Why couldn’t he let go of Yixing? Why had he fallen in love? Why was his heart so stubborn? It was killing Joonmyeon to love him. Every day a piece of him died little by little whenever he silently saw Yixing in the arms of someone else.

Yet it was his own fault because he had known, Yixing had known, his friends had known, they wouldn’t work out. Back in those days, their senior year of college, no one had expected for Yixing and Joonmyeon to last more than a few months. There might have been a secret bet going around in Joonmyeon’s circle of friends, betting the day in which they’d break up. He had wondered who had gambled the most time, who had won whatever they had bet. His friends hadn’t been all that bad, though, Joonmyeon hadn’t held the betting incident against them. They had known him far too well, and his sentiments regarding a married a life. Yixing had also known, and despite it, Yixing had fallen in love with him. But it took ten months for Joonmyeon to finally reciprocate those feelings. Meanwhile, Yixing had fallen head over heels for him and had uttered his love just two months after they had met. Joonmyeon had rejected him straightforwardly like he had grown used to do whenever he came across someone expecting a married life, children and such bothers. Joonmyeon couldn’t quite understand Yixing’s fondness for him either. What had Yixing seen in him? He wasn’t exactly impressive nor talented at things like playing the guitar in his free time as Yixing was. Besides, with the different paths in life they had wanted to persuade, it was written in the stars, they wouldn’t last.

Yet when it came to love those things could be put aside, at least temporarily. The heart wanted what it wanted. Yixing had been persistent and persuasive, with charms, well-thought plans and words that eventually captivated Joonmyeon’s heart little by little. Every detail had made Joonmyeon drop his shield. And he fell for Yixing’s dimpled smiles. He fell for the smoothness of Yixing’s voice. He fell for the flowers that Yixing gifted him. He fell for the genuine care Yixing had for him. He fell for the way Yixing’s eyes stared at him, full of adoration and love. He fell for Yixing although he shouldn’t have.

And so, for four years Joonmyeon and Yixing had subsisted in a relationship that was bound to fail. Too bad it had struck on the exact same day as their fourth-year anniversary.

It was when the officiant began leading the ring exchange, that Joonmyeon refocused on the ceremony briefly. He saw Minseok holding the bride’s hand as he put on that golden ring. ‘With this ring, I thee wed…’ he heard the groom say, loud and clear, confident and self-assured. The golden ring shone his way, brought by the rays of sunshine, and Joonmyeon thought of how similar it looked to the one Yixing had bought for him.

Joonmyeon still remembered that night as if it had been yesterday, and not three years ago.

As the years had passed little traditions had been made. It had become usual that each anniversary they would celebrate it at that small Italian restaurant they had their first date at. Joonmyeon ordered the lasagna while Yixing preferred the fettuccine Alfredo. The food nor the place weren’t anything fancy but what two senior college students could afford at the time. Even after both Joonmyeon and Yixing had graduated, gotten jobs, and a stable income, they had returned there, to that little restaurant. And on the night of their fourth-year-anniversary, it hadn’t been an exception.

Their evening had started as a lovely, romantic, and nostalgic candlelight dinner. They had enjoyed the food, the wine, even the music. Old and new stories had been told. The newest one being why Joonmyeon was wearing that baby blue shirt, that once in a time had been white but due to a laundry mishap caused by Yixing, it had gotten that new color. When they had exchanged presents, Joonmyeon had received a pair of gold cufflinks from Yixing, and he gifted Yixing new earrings because despite being a notable engineer, Yixing still liked using his piercings outside of work. Joonmyeon had never minded, Yixing always looked good in them.

The night had gone on as usual, except that Yixing had seemed nervous, fidgeting with his fingers, gulping water more than usual, Joonmyeon had observed. He hadn’t commented on it, thinking that Yixing might be worried about work. And when the dinner had ended, Joonmyeon still hadn’t seen it coming.

As a final stop to their anniversary celebration, Yixing had said they should visit the place where they had met for the first time, the old gazebo. So, they did it. They headed there, sat down and talked despite the cold wintery night. And Yixing took the chance to retell the story of how they had met, that tale Joonmyeon knew inside out because he had been there too.

All those years ago, serendipity had brought them together, to that place, to that moment, that was how Yixing had always begun his storytelling.

On that fateful day, a new-in-town senior student had arrived at that park by mistake, after getting lost on his first day of class. Too frustrated to ask for directions, only to end up in the wrong yet place again, and having missed his first lesson, Yixing had decided to take a break. There had been various places to sit and rest, green fields, and benches, but he had chosen to sit on the gazebo right next to the pond. Another male with the most striking looks Yixing had ever seen was already sitting there. He didn’t take notice of Yixing’s arrival due to being too immersed reading a book.

Joonmyeon had always laughed when he heard that part of the story. He couldn’t possibly be that striking if anything Yixing was the one with the duality to pull off a sweet and sexy vibe within seconds. Then, Joonmyeon gave his input on the story. He had been sitting on the gazebo, reading his favorite book while he waited for his class to begin. The park wasn’t near campus, twenty minutes away actually, but Joonmyeon liked the view and the quietness of that place, specifically near the pond.

“Is it that good?”

Joonmyeon had looked up from the book in his hand to see who had dared to interrupt his alone time. He looked around, thinking that perhaps the guy with the wavy hair, yellow beanie, and dimples on his cheeks was talking to someone else. It was suspicious. Yet nobody but them was there. Dumbly, Joonmyeon pointed at himself anyway. The guy chuckled, nodding yes. “The protagonist can be quite challenging at times, too impulsive, but the plot is fascinating.”

“I see,” the guy said, his lips curving into a wider smile, showing his perfect teeth. “I’m Yixing by the way.”

It was unusual that Joonmyeon became acquainted with strangers on the street. But by the backpack that laid next to Yixing and his young appearance, he suspected Yixing might be another student too. It became evident when he noticed the keychain hanging from the backpack. “Joonmyeon,” he said, raising his hand to shake it with Yixing, who delightedly took it.

Serendipity, that was what had brought them together, Yixing used to say.

After the story was told, it became too cold to be outside. And it was then Joonmyeon knew. He had stood up first, walked down the steps out of the gazebo. But Yixing hadn’t followed him. No, when Joonmyeon turned around he saw Yixing standing on one knee, smiling hopefully, and holding an open ring box with a bright gold ring inside. As Yixing uttered those words, that one question, Joonmyeon found himself taking a step back.

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife,” the officiant declared, words that took Joonmyeon back to where he was, Minseok’s wedding. Everything had passed quickly; the ending was already here. The groom and the bride grinned at each other, a contagious joy that made the guests smile. Then, the pair leaned in to seal their lips, in their first kiss as a married couple, joint until death does them part. Or until one of them cheated on the other countless times, but they both continued being trapped in that loveless union for the ‘sake’ of their children, but mostly for outer appearances, so finally the day the fights would have become too much, they would divorce. Witnessing the deterioration of his parent’s marriage had left deep reminders to Joonmyeon that marriage not always meant a ‘happily ever after.’ Joonmyeon had dreaded he would follow the same path if he ever got married.

The officiant gave the closing remarks. After that, the recessional took place, and the newlyweds accompanied by the rest of the bridal party, began leaving the garden. The guests stood up, clapped and cheered, smiled and laughed, other let out tears of joy, including Yixing. Joonmyeon saw Yixing brushed away a few tears that had rolled down his cheeks.

“That was beautiful,” Yixing said, “Their vows were so lovely written, so touching. Really beautiful.”

“Yes,” Joonmyeon lied. He hadn’t heard one thing of what they had said, of what they had dumbly vowed to each other. Joonmyeon took out his handkerchief and handed it Yixing. He knew Yixing always forgot to wear one.

“Thank you.” Yixing dabbed his face with the tissue before giving it back.

Slowly, the guests also left, heading towards the other side of the garden, where the wedding reception would take place. The time to celebrate the couple’s union had begun.

Yixing and Joonmyeon walked together while light streams of air hit them. While talking to Yixing, although it was something so unimportant such as the flower decorations in the wedding aisle, Joonmyeon was reminded of that warmness Yixing always had. It was one of the many things that had captivated him. How he missed eating dinner after a long day of work, listening to Yixing’s tender voice ramble about his day in a way that made him laugh. Nowadays, whenever Joonmyeon looked around his table, no one was there to talk, only a deafening silence.

“So, what’s new in your life, Joonmyeon?” Yixing asked when they had arrived at the venue. They stood waiting for the receiving line to move forward. “I feel I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

Well, Joonmyeon might have been avoiding them because he knew Yixing’s and Sehun’s anniversary had passed recently. He knew Sehun always went the extra mile and organized flashy things, even if he and Yixing had been together only for two years. “Work’s been busy. I bought a new car last Monday.”

“That’s great!” Yixing exclaimed. “It’s always good to upgrade. What about in the love department? Chanyeol said he saw you eating dinner with a ‘handsome’ man the other day. Is it a mystery lover?” Yixing asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Joonmyeon laughed. How could Yixing think that when all Joonmyeon could feel was miserable? When all he wanted to scream right there was: I miss you, I’m sorry, I want you back, I need you, I still love you. He shook his head. “No. That was a work meeting. I’ve… Been too busy to care for that right now.”

Yixing nodded in comprehension. “I suppose the time will come eventually.”

Not long after, they reached the newlyweds. Yixing eagerly congratulated and gave them his best wishes, enveloping each one in a hug. Jokingly Yixing had said the next time they’ll meet would hopefully be at his wedding. But while the three had laughed, Joonmyeon remained silent as another piece of his adamant heart broke. What a terrible joke. When it was his time, he only said a few words of congratulations.

Unlike previously, this part of the garden had slate tiles on the ground. It was still surrounded by trees, bushes, and plants. By now the sun was setting, but patio lights hung across the venue, shining brightly. There was also a small stage, a band getting ready to play, and a dance floor. Some guests were already sitting at their table, others stood up and mingled. Joonmyeon thanked the heavens for the seating plan. He and Yixing, along with Minseok’s other college acquaintances would sit on the same table, table ten.

As much as Joonmyeon could use a cocktail after hearing that joke, both he and Yixing had said no to the waiter offering them one. They both had to drive later in the night. So, they ended up drinking soda for now and the rest of the evening.

“It’s lovely here. I like it,” Yixing said, looking around the venue. “I’ve always wanted an outdoor wedding, but maybe on the beach. Cliché, I know,” he let out a laugh, “But there’s just something about getting married under the sunset while hearing the ocean waves that attracts me.”

Joonmyeon hadn’t heard that before. Somehow during those four years, he and Yixing had been together, they had barely discussed marriage again. It had been awkward when they had to attend the wedding of one of their friends, but the topic had never been brought up. Maybe because they both had known that the moment it did, their time would be over because they would be trapped in an endless discussion of why they should get married and why they shouldn’t. That was why it had caught Joonmyeon off guard that Yixing had proposed to him out of nowhere that night. If Yixing hadn’t taken that step, would everything had remained the same? And Yixing wouldn’t be here, telling him what kind of wedding he planned to have, most likely with a man that wasn’t him. “That does sound cliché and banal,” he retorted.

Yixing rolled his eyes. He chuckled. “Well, it would be my wedding. I can be as cliché as I want,” he said, sticking out his tongue.

Just as Yixing had said that some pop music began playing and the presenter requested the attention of the public. Everyone looked at the stage when the presenter introduced the bridal party amid claps and cheers. It seemed rather silly to Joonmyeon that everyone was dancing their way to the bridal table. He couldn’t get the gist of why they chose to do that. Soon, everyone stood up and yet again gave a round of applause for the moment the newlyweds were announced as husband and wife for the first time. Yixing was over the moon, clapping and grinning while the Minseok and his wife danced to the table. That was how Yixing always got at weddings, Joonmyeon remembered. For some reason it made him smile.

When the wedding party introductions ended, it was already the night. Underneath the dark sky and the stars, the plated dinner began. Waiters at full throttle served the appetizers to the guests. It was nostalgic to see Yixing eating while joyfully conversing about this week in that familiar way his dimples appeared, and his laughter could be heard because so many amusing things had happened. Joonmyeon had smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time, remembering a time so distant and yet so close to his heart. It was a plus that a particular person had not been named.

“Oh,” Yixing abruptly said, stopping his eating motion and his story of how decorating cookies with his nephew had set off the fire alarm. He held up his fork, his mouth hung open, but he observed Joonmyeon’s hands.

And when Joonmyeon looked at his hands, he realized it wasn’t that, no, Yixing was looking at the cuff of his dress shirt. He had chosen to wear the golden cufflinks today.

“I haven’t seen those in a long time,” Yixing said. He flashed him a rueful smile. “I thought you had gotten rid of them.”

“I wouldn’t. They’re one of my favorites… You always knew my style very well.”

Yixing nodded, dropping his gaze. He finally took the bite he had been holding.

One of those awkward silences between two old lovers settled between them for the first time. In the meantime, Joonmyeon noticed something on Yixing’s left ear. He quickly broke the uneasy quietness. “You are not wearing any earring?” he asked. Even if it was an elegant event like this, Yixing always complimented his look with some type of earring.

“No. Sehun said it wasn’t suitable anymore. It didn’t look good.” Yixing chuckled. “He’s right. I’m too old for that stuff.”

You aren’t, you will never be, Joonmyeon thought. He struggled to hold in his frown. He would never have said something like that. Even if they had been in their seventies, clad in matching tracksuits, Joonmyeon would have wanted to see Yixing wearing that dangling earring he had gifted him. “I think you would have looked good anyway.”

A faint blush spread across Yixing’s cheeks while he shook his head shyly.

Later, after a champagne toast and speeches, an entrée and dessert, the groom and the bride’s first dance, the dance floor was in full swing for anyone to join. Yixing and Joonmyeon had been sitting down while some of the guests shared the dance floor with the newlyweds. Minseok had a blast dancing with his wife. Joonmyeon was stupid, oh so stupid for considering this, but he and Yixing used to love dancing together. He wasn’t remarkably great at it, he went by the ‘dance as if nobody’s watching.’ Yixing, who had far better moves, also abided by that saying. That had often been captured in some hilarious footage by their friends. But neither had minded.

“Yixing?”

Yixing turned to meet Joonmyeon’s gaze. “What?”

Joonmyeon gulped. “Let’s dance.”

“I,” Yixing said, looking nervous, “I don’t know if that’s a great idea.”

It surely wasn’t. Someone might capture it in a picture that would later end up on a social media site, where people including Sehun might easily see it. Of course, it wouldn’t be a great idea to see two former lovers dancing, but it wasn’t as if they would grind against each other. Now that would be crossing the line and inappropriate. This was just a harmless and quick dance. Joonmyeon had to try. “Why not? It’s just dancing. Or is it because you’re afraid, ‘old man?’” Joonmyeon asked, making quotations mark in the air.

Yixing pretend to be offended. Then he squinted his eyes thinking briefly. “Come on, Kim. I’ll show you how this old man moves,” he said, standing up and heading towards the dance floor. Joonmyeon smiled on his way there.

The moment they set their feet on the dance floor they adjusted to the upbeat music the band was playing. Yixing danced in front of him, moving his arms and shoulders around, all the time looking at Joonmyeon as if he was challenging him to move better. Joonmyeon didn’t mind, he didn’t care because in this one moment he seemed to be center of Yixing’s attention. He hadn’t felt that in a long time and it was so soothing. He let himself go in a gleeful combination of feet and arm moves, in twirls and jumps. He lost himself in the playful way Yixing teased him for his ‘uncle’ moves, he lost himself in that beautiful grinning face, in everything that Yixing was.

And then everything stopped. They gasped for air rapidly, fanning their faces with their hands while smiling. When the band retook the music, they played a slow song. A sweet, mellow melody accompanied by a gentle voice. Everyone got into position and began dancing again, except for them. They looked at each other straight in the eyes, thinking of what to do next. Joonmyeon took another bold move and held up his hand. Yixing stared at it, analyzing, thinking. Was that wise? Should they do that? It all was answered when Yixing reached out and grabbed Joonmyeon’s right hand. Holding their clasped hands up while the others rested behind their respective shoulders, keeping a considerable distance away from their bodies, they began dancing.

As always, Yixing was the one leading the basic step touch, left to right, right to the left. Yixing led the way when they turned around on the floor. Yixing was the one moving them to the rhythm. No words were uttered. Some moments were lived better without talking. Joonmyeon only stared at Yixing, immersed in a way that the world seemed to have stopped before him. How he had missed being in those arms, holding that lean hand, being this close to the one he loved. His heart accelerated in a motion that only Yixing could cause. He might be overthinking, or he might be damn right, but Yixing seemed to be staring at him with that look from three years ago. The one he used to give Joonmyeon, full of adoration and love. As the song continued, unknowingly, they had drawn closer, in a magnetic, alluring way, until the tip of their noses was scarcely touching. And Joonmyeon hoped, besought that Yixing would lean in a bit more and seal their lips in a timeless kiss, confirming to him that their love had not ended, never had, never would.

Yet he had pleaded to a noiseless void. Nothing happened. Because when the music came to an end, shifting back to that upbeat rhythm from earlier, Yixing let go of Joonmyeon’s hand and shoulder, stepping back and averting his gaze.

“I-I’ll be right back,” Yixing stuttered before bolting out.

And so, Joonmyeon stood there, alone amid the happy couples dancing. Feeling a mixture of emotions, the most prominent being joy over having had Yixing so close once again, fear that this would make their friendship change, hope that maybe it had meant to Yixing just as much as it had meant him. Yixing had to have felt something back there. He knew. Otherwise, why would he have run off?

However, the only thing Yixing seemed to have felt when he returned was a bit of discomfort. They didn’t dance anymore. While sitting down again, Yixing had lost his vivaciousness and jocularity. He spoke lower, he laughed less, and he seemed to avoid meeting Joonmyeon’s eyes. That situation didn’t last long, though, because around nine in the evening, Yixing and Joonmyeon were saying their goodbyes to the married couple. Under silence, they strode back to the country club’s entry and waited for the valets to bring their cars.

“This was fun,” Yixing said, forcing himself to smile although Joonmyeon knew it wasn’t genuine. “I guess we’ll see each other next Saturday for the party?”

Joonmyeon nodded.

“Goodnight, Joonmyeon,” Yixing said. He went down the steps, thanked the valet and got in his car.

“Goodnight, Yixing.” Joonmyeon followed suit and got ready to drive away. But he didn’t step on the gas pedal. No, he kept looking in his rearview mirror, watching Yixing’s car, who waited for him to leave the entrance. Joonmyeon took one deep breath. He couldn’t handle it anymore. He couldn’t sit there forever, remembering, reminiscing, suffering. This night had brought him a recollection of everything he had lost, of everything he needed back. Yixing, he was all Joonmyeon needed. Seeing Yixing alone today had not only intensified his burning yearning but at the same time, deepened his stifling agony. He couldn’t handle it anymore. Joonmyeon was undoubtedly stubborn, stupidly stubborn. Even so, he undid his seatbelt, he got off the car. He didn’t care. He had to try again, even if it was pathetic, futile, foolish. He had to try again. Determinately, Joonmyeon walked forward until he stood beside the window of Yixing’s car.

Yixing put down the window, looking questioningly. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

“I love you,” Joonmyeon said bluntly, no hesitation or doubt in his voice.

Yixing went wide-eyed, staring at him with his mouth agape.

“All this time, all these years, I never stopped loving you, Yixing.”

Nothing was said in return. No ‘I love you too’ was uttered. And for interminable minutes Yixing was silent and numb. But then Yixing looked forward, letting out a deep, prolonged sigh. Yixing undid his seatbelt. Joonmyeon stepped back while Yixing opened the door and got off the car.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I love you, and I need a second chance! I need you by my side again, Yixing. I still love you, so much that seeing you with Sehun has been killing me ever since I came back.”

“No.” Yixing shook his head. “You said it was over. You said you were happy for us. You said you didn’t mind. You said it was all water under the bridge and we had all moved forward and could remain friends. You said that!”

“I lied, okay?!” Joonmyeon cried. “When Sehun told me two years ago, I was mad, oh so freaking mad. He stabbed me in the back. He was my friend, and you were my lover! How could I ever accept that you two got together? How can anyone accept that? …I can’t. I simply can’t. And I hate waking up every day knowing that you’re with him and not me.”

A frown appeared on Yixing’s face. “So, you’ve been lying to us all this time? Was our friendship fake? You actually hate us being together, but still sit down at our table to eat, laugh and joke with us as if nothing was wrong? Why, Joonmyeon? Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you! I’ve been putting myself through all that jealousy and suffering because I can’t stand being away from you, Yixing. I know it sounds pathetic, but even if I could see you smile at me for one moment, I thought it was enough for me. I-I thought that I could deal with it, with you and him, that it could be enough for me only to see you, but it’s not. It has never been.” Joonmyeon reached forward to cup Yixing’s cheeks. “I need more, I need you. Please, please, please come back to me. I know it can’t be over for you either. In there, I felt it. You felt something, didn’t you?”

Yixing eyes widened. “Joonmyeon I-” He gulped. His face slackened. “You’re too late,” he said softly. “I-I love Sehun now.”

“No,” Joonmyeon shook his head repeatedly, his heart was in his mouth. “No, you can’t. You can’t have forgotten how much you used to love me. How much we used to love each other? We were perfect together, Yixing. You and I, we were meant to be.”

Yixing held Joonmyeon’s hands in a gentle touch, only to remove them from his cheeks. “We weren’t, Joonmyeon. There might have been a time in which I loved you so much, to the point I was willing to sacrifice my dreams and be with you forever… But then I was a best man at Luhan’s wedding. Then I became a godfather to my nephew. And I just knew I could never let that go, not even for you. You can’t have forgotten why we broke up in the first place? I asked you to marry me. I kneeled before you, hoping that even though you hadn’t wanted to, _for us_ you would have considered it, accepted… But all you did was step back and say no. At that moment you broke my heart, the illusion fell and I knew this could no longer work. This could never work. We’ve always wanted different things.”

In a moment of desperation Joonmyeon found himself saying, “Then, then, I’ll give it to you! I’ll marry you. We’ll have kids. We’ll live in the suburbs and raise that beagle dog you’ve always wanted. I’m willing to give you everything you want if that means you’ll love me again, Yixing. I just want to be with you no matter what.”

Yixing let out a laugh. He smiled apologetically. “You shouldn’t be willing to give me anything, you should want it for yourself, we should want it together. Doing something for my sake… It won’t work. One day you’ll get tired, you’ll wake up and realize that is not the life you wanted. You’ll regret it. And you’ll blame me.”

“No, no, I’ll be with you. I won’t regret anything as long as I’m with you.” He jumped forward to envelop Yixing in an embrace, and their bodies molded perfectly together. How he had missed this. He inhaled that heady cedar scent. He held Yixing tighter, not willing to let him go anytime soon. “I love you, Yixing. Please, give us another chance. It’ll work, I promise. This time everything will work for us.”

Yixing didn’t say anything. Neither did he try to push Joonmyeon away. For a moment everything felt seamless. Joonmyeon rejoiced over holding the man he loved so close. Until Yixing spoke again.

“It’s too late,” Yixing lamented. “It took me a while, but eventually I found my new happiness. You should do the same. It’s too late for us.”

“It’s not. It’s never too late.”

Yixing sighed. He tried to break free from Joonmyeon’s firm grip. Reluctantly, Joonmyeon let him go. They stood face to face, staring at each other. Yixing began undoing his tie. When he succeeded, he brought forward a necklace he had been wearing under his shirt. Joonmyeon’s heart smashed to smithereens yet again, when he saw the silver pendant. A ring.

Yixing smiled sadly. “Sehun asked me to marry him.”

No, no, no! Joonmyeon wanted to scream, but nothing came out.

“I said yes.”

You can’t do this me, Yixing, you can’t do this to us, please, his mind spoke.

“That party we’re gonna throw next week… It’s to announce our engagement.”

Every word Yixing had uttered torn Joonmyeon apart. I took him all his might to ask with a brittle voice, “Why?”

Yixing gave him another rueful smile. “Because he loves me… And I love him.”

But I love you, Joonmyeon thought.

“I-I’m so sorry, Joonmyeon. But I don’t think you should come. I don’t think we should see each other again. We shouldn’t even be friends anymore, not when you’re feeling like this. It breaks my heart to say this but… It’s over. I’m truly sorry,” Yixing apologized. Dejectedly, he glanced at Joonmyeon one last time before saying goodbye. Yixing got in his car. And Joonmyeon could only stay frozen in place, seeing as Yixing backed away the car to drive past him.

The noise of the car driving away slowly faded until only Yixing’s words echoed in Joonmyeon’s head. His vision blurred. Yet he could still distinguish honey brown eyes, deep dimples sinking into a broad smile, a dangling earring, a man standing on one knee holding a golden ring in a black box, asking: ‘Kim Joonmyeon, will you marry me?’

“What an idiot.”

Tears wretchedly rolled down his cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> **[1001 Tales' mods: Don't forget to leave kudos and comments for the writer!]**


End file.
